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Transitions in Midlife

Midlife can be a time of upheaval and uncertainty. If you are experiencing a midlife transition, you might find yourself re-evaluating everything–yourself, your relationships, your job or career. You are likely experiencing changes in the way your body looks and feels. You might feel a sense of regret for paths not taken or parts of yourself never developed. You might feel a desire to pursue these discarded paths or explore undeveloped parts of yourself. Past trauma, hurts or other memories might surface or re-surface.

You might find yourself drawn to new and unexpected ideas, interests, careers, or ways of being. For example, if you have been goal or achievement-oriented, you might feel drawn to doing creative work or doing things simply for enjoyment without worrying about achieving a particular outcome. If you have been outgoing, you might find yourself wanting to spend time alone in quiet reflection. If you have been shy or a loner, you might feel a desire to be more “out in the world” or to spend more time with others. If you have felt too dependent on others, you might feel a pull to become more independent, perhaps to strengthen your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Carl Jung, an analytic psychoanalyst, believed that life is a journey toward wholeness, a process he termed “individuation,” and that each person’s journey contains elements in common with others, along with elements unique to each individual (Jung, 1989). Mental health professionals Clark, S.H. and Schwiebert, V.L. (2001) use the metaphor of a loom to describe a woman’s midlife journey. They liken the loom to a framework on which a woman can weave a fabric of her own design, color and texture, entwining the distinctive threads of her life into a unique creation. She can also unravel parts of her life that no longer serve her, such as patterns of thinking, behavior and self-image. Men, who traditionally have been expected to focus on work and the external world while keeping their feelings in check, at midlife often want to focus on their inner selves, such as their feelings and intuition. Our culture is becoming increasingly more accepting of men developing more sides of themselves (Segell, 1996).

Paying attention to your internal feelings and thoughts at midlife, no matter how quiet or bewildering they seem, will likely start you on the path to a greater sense of integration and wholeness. Some of the ways of doing so, whether alone or in combination, are setting aside time for yourself to notice what is going on inside, journal writing, drawing or using other art forms to express yourself, noticing your dreams, talking with others who are going through similar changes, and engaging in psychotherapy. Seeking the support of a qualified professional can make the process less daunting, and is particularly advisable if you are struggling with trauma, or if your internal experience is adversely affecting your life. Regardless of how you undertake your midlife journey, you might decide to make small changes in your life, you might choose to make major changes, or, you might decide not to make any external changes. Sometimes, just recognizing and exploring your thoughts and feelings during this time can provide you with a deep sense of renewal and satisfaction.

References

Clark, S.H. and Schwiebert, V.L. (2001). Penelope’s loom: A metaphor of women’/s development at midlife. Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education and Development, 40(2), 161-170.

Jung, C.G. (1989). Memories, dreams, reflections. New York: Vintage Books. Segell, M. & Leclerc, A. (1996).

The new softness. Esquire, 125(4), 51. Retrieved January 10, 2002, from Academic Search Elite.

About the Author

Maxine Sushelsky is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor providing individual and group psychotherapy services in Arlington, MA. Her focus is on working with people experiencing grief and loss; as well as transitions in a relationship, career, education, or life stage such as early adulthood or midlife. She works with late adolescents, adults, college and graduate students, and legal professionals. Visit her website at www.transitionstherapist.com

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